What the fuck? Did he really just say that?

The new player that thinks we all should respect his bad play is a shaved head, tattooed, fight club type bad ass poser.

His opponent is an old school guy with strong mob ties. Trust me, I know he has mob ties. I also know he is someone you don’t want to fuck with at the table. And by fuck with, I mean bad ass babble.

Mr. Old School raises pre-flop to represent A-K or A-Q, some hand like that.

Mr. Respect calls.

The flop comes A-7-2 rainbow.

Mr. Old School bets the pot.

Mr. Respect calls.

The turn is a 5.

There is a bet and a call.

The river is a 10.

Same deal: bet and call.

Mr. Old School shows A-K. He flopped top pair.

Mr. Respect flopped nothing. No pair. No draws. But, he did turn a pair. And rivered two pair.

A 989-to-1 runner-runner longshot.

How is that good play?

Re-raising the top pair player to represent a set on the flop and getting the better hand to fold. Now, that would be good play worthy of good player status.

Folding on the flop when you miss would be worthy of good player status.

Knowing when you are beat on the flop and folding would be worthy of good player status.

Folding a shit hand like 10-5 off pre-flop would be worthy of good player status.

But being a calling station when you are dominated and getting runner-runner luck is not worthy of having good and player in the same sentence, bro.

I will give him this: he had the right combination of ignorance and balls to trash talk someone who is capable of helping you sleep with the fishes.

I like the wisdom with that line. The only thing that I find more irratating than getting a speech from someone on the losing end of a pot is to explain how I won the hand.

Here is a prime example that happened in a No Limit game the other day:

I have 4-3d on the button and call a small raise by a weak calling station in middle position. I put him on some kind of big Ace.

We are heads-up to the flop with Ad-4h-2d.

He fires out a pot-sized bet.

I raise him 4X.

He pushes all-in.

I call and show the gutshot straight flush draw with middle pair.

My opponent, of course, shows A-Q off.

The turn is Js and the river brings my money card: 3c for two pair.

Then comes the speech: “How could you call my bet?

At first, I ignore him. I am reveling in the fact that the table thinks I am a super tight player and they marvel at the 4-3 hand.

Finally, I had enough of the speech.

“It is like this, Sir. You were behind on the flop. Way behind. You could have flopped a set of Aces and been a big dog to win,” I tell him.

“How so? I had a pair of Aces,” he tells me.

“I had 17 outs making me a 68% favorite to win the hand on the flop,” I reply.

“But I had Aces! What 17 outs?”

“Well, with a pair and straight flush draw, I had (9) diamonds, (2) 4’s, (3) 3’s, and (3) non-diamond 5’s. That is 17 outs multiplied by 4 to give me 68% to win,” I tell him.

He got up to rebuy … mumbling the rest of his speech the whole way.

I am in a no limit game last night. Heads up against a player on my immediate left.

I have a small pocket pair.

My read is my opponent is holding A-X.

The board is five blanks. No Aces, no paint.

I check call all the way.

On the river, I feel my pair is good.

When I show the pair, I get a speech.

“How could you call with just a lousy pair?” he asks.

“How could you bet with just Ace high?” I respond.

He goes on tilt.

The very next hand, I four bet.

This same opponent pushes all-in.

The action folds to me and I call.

He shows Q-Q.

I turn the cards over so an Ace is showing.

I then slide the Ace off to my right to expose the bottom card.

Another Ace.

And, another speech.

“Dammit. I finally get a pocket pair and you just had to have Aces this time!”

Again, the board was five blanks.

In both hands, my opponent overplayed his hand.

He could have saved alot of money by checking the turn and river on the first hand if he did not pair his hole cards.

On the second hand, the right play was call pre-flop, then fold to my all-in on the flop if he did not hit a set.

Like I need poker lessons from a short-stack that played it wrong and lost the hand.

I limp in on the button with J-10 diamonds.

The small blind raises to $10.

Everyone folds.

I call.

The flop comes Qd-9d-7s.

I have an open-ended straight draw and a flush draw.

There are 9 diamonds, 3 eights, and not knowing for sure if my opponent has pocket Kings or not, 3 kings for a total of 15 outs.

Without the Kings, I have 12 outs making this pretty much a coin-flip.

My opponent bets $20.

I call.

The turn is a 9. I made my straight.

My opponent goes all-in and I insta-call.

Next comes the speech on how bad I played and why am I even in the pot.

Young guns.

I listen to the three minute rant.

Then I launch into quoting Doyle Brunson: “I read Super System last night. Doyle says that if you have pocket Aces or pocket Queens and a potential straight comes on the flop, the right play is to fold your hand.” (I am para-phrasing of course, but that is the gist.)

The kid gets up from the table and walks up to my seat.

So, I continue my speech: “Listen, it was cheap to play on the button. Jack ten is the best hand to have for a straight. The flop gave me enough outs for us to be a coin-flip. You made it cheap for me on the flop to call. And I had position.”

Then comes the puppy dog eyes as if I gave him what he thinks is his first bad beat.

“The right play for you was to either move all-in on the flop and take your chances with me calling a coin-flip, or fold. Do you think you are a good enough player to fold pocket Kings?”

“Who folds pocket Kings?” he replies.

I have folded Kings more than I have shown them down.

And I am the donkey?

Here is one I found amusing:

I am in a no limit Texas Hold’Em cash game the other day with a $200 – $500 buy in.

I have a deep stack of over $2,300.

A sixty-something man to my right just did this second rebuy for $500.

He is tilty and I am feeling frisky. So, I play him heads up with 5s-6d on the button.

I put him on a big hand even though he is on tilt.

The flop comes 3-4-7 rainbow.

He bets and I call.

Turn card is a king.

He bets and I call.

The river is a deuce.

He bets and I push him all-in.

He calls with A-K or what I like to call Big Broke.

I show him the nuts and I get a five minute speech.

That translates into $100 per minute.

So, I try to ease the pain by explaining my decision.

I say, “Well sir, 5-6 off happens to be my favorite hand. But, one card has to be black and the other has to be red. Otherwise, I can’t play it. No way would I ever play 5-6 suited. But a black 5 and a red 6 is enough for me to push all-in. In fact, I have won more with that hand than most people do with Big Broke. You know … ace-king from early position.”

He shook his head and left stuck for over $2,000.

All night long, the table I was seated at would break up. The rule in most casinos is you take all your chips to the new table. Not this night. I could only take the maximium buy-in. So, instead of going to the table with 3 – 4X the maximum buy-in, I was placed at a disadvantage to joining an existing table.

In most games, this would be considered going south. Floor management got it wrong. But I was ok. Just had to grind harder longer.

I join a table at 6 AM with $500 after pocketing $2,000 from the broken game. My first hand is in the big blind and I am dealt pocket 10s.

Everyone limps in, so I raise to the pot value, making it $90 to go for everyone. At this point, I am happy to take down the small pot.

The table folds around to the button. The button reraises me another $100. Small blind folds.

I ask this player how the value of his hand went from a $10 limp-in with 9 players ahead to $200. Putting him on a weak hand making a position raise, I call.

Flop comes A-K-Q rainbow. I bet $100 into the $500 pot. The button re-raises me another $100. I call.
The turn is a Jack. I check my straight. The button goes all-in for his last $100, which is my last $100.

The river was a blank. I show pocket 10s for the straight. The button? Shows me pocket Queens.

It took me about five minutes to stack the chips. Long enough to hear the speech on how unlucky he was. I agreed. But, if he raised before I acted, I most likely would have folded the 10-10 preflop.

This kicked off a miracle session. For the next four hours, I could not lose a hand. I earned another $1,500 in profit before leaving for the day.